This is life now. Cope with us.

Work Retire Die Turns 2 Years Old

Long self indulgent post alert. TLDR: The blog is two years old today. We’re celebrating the best and worst articles from the past 2 years. And we’re giving away a Crock-Pot to an email newsletter subscriber. Yes actually. Email by Friday at 11 am for a chance to win. Scroll past the heartfelt thanks for the content

One dreary October 10th 2017, a young, strapping man with chronic dry skin sat at his job, severely bored and depressed about his post-grad life. Determined to finally make a man of himself, he did the only thing that made sense to an attention-seeking narcissist like himself – create a WordPress site and post a blog about how much he hated his corporate life. That became the masterpiece known as Getting Through the Week: A Manifesto, which was read by 9 people in his G-chat group chat (shoutout Friendship Friends) who were equally bored at work. And thus, a Content King was born.

So began a journey of relentlessly churning out content, regardless of feedback or concerned family and friends asking if he was ‘still doing that.’ Since then, Work Retire Die has posted 117 blogs that have been read by over 20,000 people. We’ve posted 445 memes on Instagram to over 4,500 followers, who’ve watched our content have grow from bizarre to mediocre to occasionally passable. We’ve created videos on YouTube for ourselves and other brands that have been viewed over 12,000 times. We have also been banned from Reddit and don’t ask why.

And we could not do it without the loyal WRDies. In all seriousness, a huge shoutout to every who has followed us on probably too many forms of social media (check out the LinkedIn), read the blogs, and shared content with their friends, coworkers, and parents who chuckle and go ‘oh that’s nice.’ What started as something I did when I was bored at work has become something that I do when I’m bored at work and on weekends. It honestly means a lot and I’m flattered anyway cares about the dumb shit I post (but not surprised)

To celebrate the past 2 years, we’re going to share some of the best and worst stuff that has come out of these WordPress walls. Oh, and as a thank you to all the loyal WRDies, we’re going to give away a Crock-Pot to one of our email newsletter subscribers. Seriously. We’re not sponsored, I just got a free sample at work (see below)

Email us at to be added. If you’re already subscribed tell your friends – every time you refer a friend, you get an extra entry to win America’s #1 slow cooker. To count as a referral, email us and CC your friends in. It’s another chance to absolutely wow your friends with a nice jambalaya, chili, or buffalo chicken dip. Happy Crocktober.

the awards

Content Absolutely No One Asked for:

Haha we get it, this could easily be this entire site. Shut up. Sometimes in life, readers look up from their phone and say to themselves – wait, why did the writer post this? These posts are exactly that.

Winner: The Cups in My Apartment: A Power Ranking

One day, I decided to rank the 15 cups in my apartment. Not the ‘top 15’ – I just only had 15 cups at the time. It was beautiful and really not necessary. Today, I have over 45 cups and I feel more mature, but much more wasteful.

Clear cut last place cup

Honorable Mention: Ben Franklin: Renowned Inventor of…Syphilis?; Mason Ramsey Has BDE.

Best headline:

Everyone knows that on the Internet, you really just need a clickbait headline to get people to read your grammatically incorrect blogs. This award is for all those blogs that started off great and made you kind of want to stop reading after 5 sentences.

Winner: BREAKING NEWS: Mike Pence Will Change His Name to Mike Pants if He Gets 20k Retweets

Sadly, this did not turn out to be true.

Honorable Mention: Air Bud Overdoes on Brownies, Feared Dead; Meaghan Merkle Won’t Stop Texting Me; It’s Soup Season Bitches.

best power ranking

We will now power rank the power rankings.

Winner: Power Ranking the Disney Female Characters by How in Love with Them I Am


Princess Winner:


Non Princess Winner:

Meg from Hercules

Non-Human Winner:

Nala, Lion King

Honorable Mentions: Fictional Teen Athlete Awards: Power Rankings and Superlatives; How to Know Who You ~Really~ Are; Best Summers Ever.

Most questionable video series

This one has to go to the 12 Days of Work Retire Christmas, a series that featured the Content King singing a variety of Christmas tunes incredibly poorly. It was such a colossal flop that we had to stop after 6 days. Will we debut the remaining 6 this Christmas? Please god, hopefully not.

Full Blog: HERE

This video was actually decent though

Best work related blog

This blog is, at its core, about how work sucks. Sometimes, we offer some actually useful tips for how to make it better.

Winner: Getting Through the Week: Friday

This was one of my first blogs and when I was absolute brimming with content and untapped potential. I put everything I had into the Getting Through the Week series, which shows by how unnecessarily long they are.

Honorable Mention: Yo, Please Stop Being So Annoying in Meetings; I’ve Finally Figured Out How to Send Work Emails

Check out all our work related blogs here.


Winner: Best Songs to Hear While You’re Drunk

Our first March Madness bracket with a big assist by the Voting Committee featured a 4 week voting series, bracket style, to determine the official best song to hear while you’re drunk. The winner was ‘Levels’ by Avicii, who unfortunately died days after he won his most coveted title ever.

Honorable Mentions: Best Things in the World Bracket; Summer Fridays; Citizen App Alerts; Getting Through the Week.

best overall blog

Sometimes, I honestly bring some absolute heat.

Winner: The Teens Have Lost Their Goddam Minds

Some teens broke into my summer share house, smoked dabs, drank our beers and snapped our key in half. They came back multiple times and the cops finally busted them. They were 14.

Honorable Mentions: What is the Ocean Hiding; I’m Moving to Alabama to Raise Chickens and Goats; The 4 Years of Postgrad Undergrad: A Manifesto

worst blog

They’re not all winners guys. And I’m man enough to admit that.

Worst: God Help the Man Who Stands Between Me and These Victoria Secret Babes

I basically ranked the hottest ‘babes’ from the 2017 Victoria Secret Fashion Show. But instead of models, I just ranked the hottest people I was watching the show with or the people I saw on commercials. Some sample ‘contestants’

Pretty dumb stuff.

Honorable Mentions: Summer Fridays: ‘Working’ from Home (this was lazy); Paul’s Final Letter to the Corinthians (blasphemous);

Guest Bloggers

Where would we be without the guest bloggers, who are kind enough to lend their talents in a way that is passable and makes the Content King look good by comparison?

I’m not going to rank them (that’s mean!) but I’ve listed everyone below by total blogs posted, and selected their best posts . Email me a blog if you’d like to be a guest writer and while you’re at it, go check out all guest blogs HERE.

Leave a Reply