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Summer Fridays: Pros & Cons of a Hamptons Sharehouse

Editor’s Note: Summer Fridays continue with a new blog from our newest, hottest guest blogger, Rhone on the Range . She’s our second ever girl blogger and our first female writer to not write about which animated characters she wants to sleep with. Progress.

Everyone knows I’m a Jersey Shore guy, but apparently Rhone is bougie as fuck because this post is about The Hamptons. Still, most of it applies to any share house, whether it’s Jersey Shore, the Hamptons, or Myrtle Beach in college when you have $11 to your name.

Check out the rest of Summer Friday content HERE. For an update on the Song of the Summer bracket, click HERE. My favorite song lost and I’m still pissed at all of you. Vote on the next round on Instagram.

summer fridays: Pro’s & Con’s of a Hamptons Sharehouse

New York City in the month of July is an absolute shithole. The streets smell like hot garbage, the temperature is nearing the triple digits, and the city is bustling with an influx of tourists from the bigger shithole that is the Midwest. The best way to enjoy the city during this treacherous time, is to get the f*ck out of it. Cue: the Summer House. What better way to escape the heat than to rent a house in the Hamptons with 20 strangers?

While a summer in the Hamptons sounds glamorous, it’s not all lobster rolls and rosé. Here are the top 5 pros and cons of doing a Summer House in the Hamptons:

A very very poor man’s Jersey Shore

Con #1: The Long Island Rail Road

If you’ve never experienced the Long Island Rail Road on a Friday afternoon during the months of June or July, congrats on making it in life.  You’ve either never been to Long Island or are one of the yuppies who use Holiday as a verb and take Blades to the Hamptons (However, if you’re Blading to the Hamptons, it’s likely you don’t read this blog as your trust fund excludes you from the 99 percent who have to work, retire, die). But back to our original programming… The LIRR. The LIRR is every man for himself. Whether you’re traveling with a group of friends or your significant other, if a seat opens up on the train you best believe I’m leaving my companions in the dust. No friendship is worth three hours of standing in the aisle.

No bigger asshole than someone who saves 3 seats during this kind of madness. FOH

Con #2: Mile Long Lines

Let’s talk about lines… and no I don’t mean those lines Chad. Whether it’s the line at Trader Joe’s or Stephen Talkhouse, no one likes to wait in a line for more than 30 minutes. Emotions run high and human decency goes out the window when people are forced to play the waiting game. This is never more apparent than when a drunk girl tries to cut. Anarchy envelops, and said drunk girl instantly makes hundreds of sworn enemies. Was it worth it? Honestly, probably. She’s likely never going to see you goons again. Moral of the story, a trip to the Hamptons is not complete without putting in at least an hour of line waiting. Make sure to have cash handy because there’s always the potential for a $40 cover, or in the case of Ruschmeyer’s—a $50 cut-the-line fee.

When some random chick cuts you and your girls in line

Con #3: Expensive Ubers

Not only should you come prepared to spend $18 per vodka soda, you should also be prepared for the Uber surge. Since you’ll likely be intoxicated for the entire weekend, ride sharing is a necessary evil. Don’t fall asleep in the uber either – as one of our housemates learned the hard way that passing out in the back seat at the end of the night is a sure-fire way to lose $300 and wake up in another state. Talk about a scary Sunday.

Con #4: Sleeping Arrangements

Now that you’ve paid north of $1500 for your spot in the share house, you assumed you would get to sleep on a mattress. LOL. Unless it’s an air mattress you brought from home… it’s far more likely you’ll land on a chair outside or the couch in the living room. Did you think you were on an episode of Real Housewives of New York?

Sharehouse sleeping arrangements or refugee camp?

Con #5: The Security Deposit

Thought you were getting your security deposit back? That’s cute… think again.

Me & every security deposit of all time

Now, I realize I promised you 5 pro’s of doing a share house, but let’s face it I’m not Carrie Bradshaw, and I’m certainly not getting paid $1 per word, so in the words of the latest Bachelorette, Hannah B, “I don’t owe you anything.” (insert Hannah B GIF).

Just know that despite the small setbacks, it’s always worth it to join the share house. You’ll make new friends, drink lots of White Claw, and have something to live for during the other 5 days of the week.

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