Work.Retire.Die.

Editor’s Note: Today we’re taking a break from Summer Friday content and are blessed with a guest blog from Lane Fox, esteemed author of insightful and poignant blogs such as Power Ranking of WNBA Mascots. He covers the question that’s on everyone’s mind at least once a day – what happened to those white, one-hit wonder rappers that I listened to in college? Don’t look at me — go read the blog and find out. While you’re at it, follow us on Spotify for music way better than anything these guys made. Enjoy.

“I can’t sleep cause my got damn teach keeps assigning essays due at the end of each week.” – You said it, Sammy Adams. I hate essays and teachers but I love getting hammered with my friends and being a bro!

At least that was what the 19-year old version of myself and many of my peers were thinking at the time. Promoting this way of life were a few very special and very white “frat rappers” that spoke to us in this direct and captivating manner. These men created poetry that perfectly described both the wonders and challenges of being a shithead sophomore in a fraternity with no responsibilities. Not only did they capture this culture, they showed us a side-door into the rap game: gone were the days when you needed Dr. Dre or Jermaine Dupri to endorse your flow. In 2012, all you needed were some clever lines and a music video with hot college girls at a house party.

But what are these pioneers up to in 2019? Some may have fallen off the map, while others are still clutching to the frat rap days that brought them glory. Let’s check out how 4 of the OG frat rappers have fared since their peak:

1 – Asher Roth

Age: 33

Hometown: Morrisville, PA

“I Love College” epitomized frat rap and opened the floodgates. Now, Asher appears to have given up the frat rap life and embraced a more “experimental” flow. He came out with several albums over the past five years that have received mostly poor reviews. One of his more recent songs, titled “Mommydog” has the following lyrics, gravely veering from the Asher we came to know:

“I appreciate your perspective, especially cause you get it

Essentially it feels destined, no questions or second guessing

But my impression is kinda like Kevin left by his parents”

Not sure who Kevin is, but if you are reading this I am sorry your parents left you. Asher has mainly focused on non-rap ventures, stating “I want to make sure I concentrate my efforts on the right things — becoming a well-rounded individual and surrounding myself with supporting and loving relationships.” Shut up Asher, you know that’s not what you want. Other ventures include supporting the legalization of marijuana and helping to clean parks in Philly. In short, he is kinda just a hippy now.

2 – Sammy Adams

Age: 31

Hometown: Cambridge, MA

“Boston’s Boy” gained his fame by piggybacking off Asher’s anthem and making a slightly better song. However, unlike his counterpart, Sammy has embraced the frat rap path through thick and thin. Despite a few bumps in the road, including being arrested in Manhattan, Kansas for disorderly conduct and passing out drunk on stage in 2013, Sammy has pressed forward in his pursuit of entertaining our youth. Lately, he has still been performing on the college scene, including the Fordham Dance Marathon, an annual dance party that lasts 10 hours. Sammy Adams for 10 hours, what a treat! College kids are so lucky these days. He still makes new music, none of which I am aware of, and lives in Brooklyn according to inside sources. According to Wikipedia, he suffered a broken neck on September 22, 2018. Stay safe out there Sammy.

3 – Mike Stud

Age: 30

Hometown: Cranston, RI

Coined frat-rap’s “most prominent survivor,” Mike Stud is unique in that he has had success by making new music. But alongside this success, his partying ways have persisted. After dropping an album in 2015 literally called, “It’s Spring Break Homie,” his 2016 album “These Days” was pretty good and I think I remember like two songs from it that I liked.  

2016 was probably his peak, as Esquire Network (?) decided to give Mike his own reality show, titled “This is Mike Stud.” The opening episode begins with Mike chugging an entire bottle of Vodka and then proceeding to perform in Cleveland. During his performance, Mike yells “fuck Cleveland and fuck the Cavaliers!” What a guy!

Aside from his rapping life, he does have a very nice tradition with Post Malone, in which the two go to Olive Garden every few months “and have a good time.” When you’re here, you’re white rapper family.

He also dated Josie Canseco, Jose Canseco’s very hot daughter for like 4 years. During that time, Jose “threatened to shoot Mike if he mistreated his daughter.” These threats proved worthwhile, as the couple broke up earlier this year. Hey Mike, maybe try toning down the party life and you won’t receive death threats from juiced up baseball legends.

Stud and Canseco –

4 – Timeflies

Cal Shapiro and Ron Reznick

Age: 30, Hometown: Boston, Mass

While these guys may not be your typical frat rappers, I do associate them with both the music and time period. Timeflies captivated every 19-year-old girls’ heart in 2013. Play “I Choose U” or “Once in a While” at a pregame with females and sit back. Anyways, the duo of hot guy/singer Cal and other guy/producer are still well suited to play the college scene, especially with a strong female backing. They recently played at Tufts and some school in Iowa that I had the link open to and then accidently closed it.

Cal married a hot girl from survivor and apparently they hoped to go skiing but there was no snow on the ground due to global warming so they just rode the ski lift.

Not really sure what Rob is up to and it didn’t seem like the internet was too concerned either, although the Survivor chick clearly got to them because they recently went on Fear Factor. I didn’t watch the episode but assume they were they would be asked to consume flies, and would of course be timed in doing so. If they didn’t, the producers missed an opportunity. Here is a picture of Cal oddly rubbing some guy’s stomach who looks like he is about to puke from eating flies too quickly. What a caring teammate