Work.Retire.Die.

*Editor’s Note: We have a very special post coming at you today from our friends Phil Weston and King Nerd. I helped a pretty decent amount with this but I’m selfless so REFUSE to take any credit. With March Madness around the corner, we are deep into bracket season. We don’t really know shit about college basketball on this blog, so we decided to do a bracket of something we actually care about- The Songs You Love to Hear While Drunk. Please note that I have no idea to set up a poll but just like text me or something if you want to vote. Need a CTO. 

THE BEST SONGS TO HEAR WHILE YOU’RE DRUNK

The committee has spoken, and released the highly anticipated field of 64 for the 2018 “Songs You Love to Hear While Drunk”. Over the next three weeks, the tournament will be played out in conjunction with the less significant NCAA and NIT tournaments. The bracket will be updated after each weekend of play based on voting committee discretion. See below for some highlights / omissions from the field, storylines heading into the tournament, and some key match-ups taking place opening weekend.

Please note that while these songs are of course fantastic for pre-game or post-games, they are best consumed during the party itself. As such, it is recommended you belt these songs at the top of your goddam lungs. Check out the OFFICIAL SPOTIFY PLAYLIST to play at all your parties or at work to get your fired the hell up. Follow along on Instagram @workretiredie for updates on the the matchups.

THE BRACKET:

(All songs can be found at the bottom of the post for your viewing pleasure)

The Solo Cup Region (Sponsored by Pregames and House Parties everywhere) 

The Burnett’s Vodka Region (Sponsored by Peach Flavor)

The 40s Region (Sponsored by Colt 45, with support from 2 Zig-Zags)

The Fireball Region (Sponsored by Dance Floor Make-Outs)

THE KEY STORIES:

• Preseason favorite “Rich Girl” by Hall and Oates was caught funneling cryptocurrency to recruits in the off season and is now part of an ongoing FBI investigation. Currently serving a 2 year self imposed postseason ban.
• Fed up with the NCAA’s refusal to pay players, Lynard Skynard and “Sweet Home Alabama” seceded from Division I and although they completed an undefeated regular season, they are ineligible for tournament play.
• Jason Derulo may have blackmail on the committee as he snuck 3 teams in. 
• Breaking tradition, President Trump has refused to fill out a bracket as “Despacito” earned a spot in the field this year. Although not televised, Obama did pick Shout, Pts 1&2 by The Isley Brothers to cut down the nets this year.

OUR FINAL 4 PICKS:

God’s Plan (3)- hottest team coming into the tourney

Shout, Pts 1&2 (1) – peaking during wedding season, this team is rounding into form at the perfect time.

Dancing in the Moonlight (5) – such a fine and natural sight.

Your Love (1) – they’ve been in the conversation for years. This could be the tournament they come out on top.

DARK HORSES:

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (4) – they call it the Big Dance for a reason, and with an angel like Whitney looking over the program (RIP), this team isn’t afraid to dance with anyone.

December, 1963 (12) – experienced program that has been here before and knows how to get the job done in March.

All I Want For Christmas (10) -got very hot in November and December. The talent is there, the only concern is that they peaked too early.

Unwritten (11) – led by Natasha Beddingfield, they’re coming out of a small conference with a massive chip on their shoulder, feeling like they aren’t getting the recognition they deserve. Don’t be surprised to see them play the underdog card as they attempt to write their own destiny. 

CINDERELLA TEAMS:

All-the Small Things (12) – this team does all the little things well (taking charges, making free throws, superior clock management) and as a team of midgets, they present a unique challenge to opponents.

I Will Survive (13)– they may not be flashy, but all this team does is grind. March is about 1 thing: survive and advance. Don’t be surprised if this song lives up to its name and ends up in the Sweet 16.

Dynamite (16) – Every year, experts say this could be the year a 16 finally takes down a one, and with a fiery matchup vs Ignition (1) in round one, Taio & co could have the spark they need to take down a powerhouse.

KEY MATCH-UPS

It Girl (11) vs. Riding Solo (6) – tough draw for Derulo as 2 of his songs go head to head in the first round. Will he pick one team to coach? Will he switch at half-time? Will he try to create an Evil Fake Identical Twin brother name David Derulo to coach one team? Stay tuned. 

Man! I Feel Like A Woman! (9)  Vs. I Want It That Way (8) – This blog supports women in power, but men do generally get their way (blame the patriarchy not me.) Read next week to see which gender has the upper hand this march.

What’s Luv (7) Vs. Love Story (10) – Love is a complicated thing, especially after Taylor and Fat Joe got dumped on Valentine’s Day last month (again).

NOTABLE EXCLUSIONS

Dancing Queen – Young and sweet, but unfortunately only 17. Ineligible

Call Me Maybe – If Carly Rae Jepson was a little more assertive, she might have made it but maybes don’t fly on WRD.

Take Me Home Tonight – Comes off a little too desperate. With more patience, this may make the field next year.

Sexual – This is a family friendly blog. This song will have to wait for marriage.

ALL ENTRANTS

Solo Cup Division

1. “Piano Man” by Billy Joel
2. “Levels” by Avicii
3. God’s Plan by Drake
4. “Come On Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners
5. “Mr. Jones” by Counting Crows
6. “Mambo Number 5” by Lou Bega
7. “What’s Luv?” by Fat Joe ft. Ashanti
8.  “Ride wit Me” by Nelly
9. “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy
10. Love Story by Taylor Swift
11. Stacey’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne
12. December 1963 by 
13. “Slide” by Calvin Harris
14. “Cupid Shuffle” by Cupid
15. “Get Down on It” by Kool and the Gang
16. “Follow Me” by Uncle Kracker

Burnett’s Vodka Division

1. Shout, Pts 1&2
2. “Roses” by Outkast
3. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something
4. “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston
5. “Cheerleader” by Omi
6. “Riding Solo” by Jason Derulo
7. “Bad and Boujee” by Migos
8. “I want it that Way” by Backstreet Boys
9. “Man I Feel Like a Woman”
10. “Sugar We’re Going Down”
11. “It Girl” by Jason Derulo
12. “F***kin Problems” by ASAP Rocky
13. “Trumpets” by Jason Derulo
14. “Happy” by Pharell Williams
15. “Where is the Love” by the Black-Eyed Peas
16. “Die Young” by Kesha

Fireball Division

1. “Ignition Remix” by R. Kelly
2. “Give it Up” by KC and the Sunshine Band
3. “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi
4. “My Girl” by the Temptations
5. “Dancing in the Moonlight” by King Harvest
6. “Wagon Wheel” by everyone
7. “Despacito” by Justin Bieber
8. “Closer” by Chainsmokers
9. “Post to Be” by Omarion
10. “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed
11. “All the Above” by Maino
12. “All the Small Things” by Blink 182
13. “Uptown Funk” by Bruno Mars
14. “All-Star” by Smash Mouth
15. “Bartender” by T-Pain
16. “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz

40s Division

1. “Your Love” by The Outfield
2. “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond
3. “Sweetest Girl” by Wyclef Jean
4. “Semi Charmed” by Third Eye Blind
5. “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield
6. “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey
7. “Sweet Child of Mine” by Guns and Roses
8. “Sorry” by Justin Bieber
9. “Juicy” by Notorious BIG
10. “All I Want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey
11. “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield
12. “This is How We Do It” by Montell Robinson
13. “I will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
14. “Buy U A Drank” by T-Pain
15. “Signed Sealed Delivered” by Stevie Wonder
16. “Brickhouse” by The Commodores

Good luck to all teams! Follow us Instagram and Twitter @workretiredie for weekly updates on who will be advancing.