Work.Retire.Die.

Loyal WRDies – we are pleased to announce that your prayers have been answered and wildest dreams have finally come true. We are launching a weekly newsletter, giving you a chance for yet another email to fill up your already crowded inbox!!

We know that email is annoying to begin with. And between theSkimm, MorningBrew, Google Alerts, or whatever else you signed up for, your inbox is over-run with newsletters and updates about what’s going on in the world that you normally just delete. That’s not what we’re doing here.

We’re going to email you once a week. That’s it. And the contents of that newsletter will be things you actually care about. Funny tips, interesting articles, meme and Internet trends. Stuff that isn’t that important but will make you go ‘Oh that’s kind of interesting and funny and I respect the author.’

We’re sharing with you today the first edition of the newsletter on the blog. If you like what you see, email us at workretiredie@gmail.com to be included. If not, we’ll still be posting memes everyday on Instagram and blogs once a week on this handy dandy WordPress (but not the newsletter.) Enjoy.

work retire newsletter – 9/27

Buzzword of the Week: Core Competency

Every week, we’ll define those pesky buzzwords you see on every email and Powerpoint and teach you to use them; not only in the office but in your day to day life.

This week’s word is CORE COMPETENCY.

1. Definition (Work): A defining strength that separates a company from its competition

Example:

Reporter: So what distinguishes your company from all the others? What are some of your core competencies?

Arby’s CEO: Well, we have the meats.

Reporter (jots on paper): Yes, yes of course.

2. Definition (Real world): Personal strengths or abilities.

Example:

“Cool” Friend: Yo do you want to come over and smoke?

Responsible Friend with Bright Future: Ehhh I haven’t smoked since college. Not really a core competency of mine anymore.

“Cool” Friend: That’s ok, I’m a drug addict who is ruining my life anyways.

(This was my attempt to get sponsored by D.A.R.E. If you start seeing a ton of anti-drug and teen related content, you’ll know it worked.)

Insane news story you might have missed:

We know you think you’ve got better things to do than read tabloids. You don’t, but it’s cute you think that. Don’t worry, we got you covered with the most insane news stories of every week that are probably true.

An Indiana couple has been charged with abandoning their 9 year old adopted daughter. Super sad. Only thing is, the parents are claiming the girl was not a child, but a 22 year old Ukranian spy with dwarfism who repeatedly tried to kill them by pushing the mom onto an electric fence, pouring bleach in her coffee, and threatening to kill the couple in their sleep. And the crazy part is, they’re probably right. Full article HERE.

work tip of the week:

WRD is a proud sponsor of the American dream – slacking your way to an underserved promotion without doing any actual work and never truly fulfilling your potential. Each week, we’ll give you a tip that you can use to make your life easier at the office.

When a coworker quits, this is a perfect opportunity for you. Not to take on their responsibilities and prove you can handle a bigger workload or anything like that. No, this is your chance to blame them for every single thing that goes wrong.

You are allowed a 3 month window to say stuff like – ‘Hmm I think Jim normally handled that. Due to team transition, this one may have slipped through the cracks,’ – and no one can really be that pissed. This is the #1 reason I always encourage my coworkers to interview as much as possible and even go so far as to forward job openings to them.

longform of the week

The best way to pass a slow day at the office is to read a long, well written article about a cool topic. Each week, we’ll give you a link to stuff that will grow your brain and give you something to talk about on your 3rd Hinge date of the week.

An Austrian ceramacist is preparing for a world after humans by creating a time capsule to preserve our history. Interesting read for people who like aliens, end of the world stuff, and had no idea that ceramacist was a real life job.

For more articles like this, check out www.longform.org.

broke tip of the week

After ordering Seamless for every meal this week, buying new shirts since yours all have holes, and spending $95 at a birthday dinner because you split the bill 9 ways even though you only had a salad, we know you have no money left but still want to party. Each week, we’ll give you a tip for how to live like a king without breaking the bank.

If you finished your drink at the bar, go fill it up with water in the bathroom. Have your friend pretend to bump into you and spill it everywhere. Make sure you’re within sight of a bartender – they’ll normally refill your drink for free because they feel bad. If not, just drink some of the half empty Bud Lights left on a table. You’ll be fine.

cyber-security influencer of the week

This one is tough, but I think we have to hand it to relatable hot guy from the Avira videos. Just some really gripping stuff out of him lately as he nears 10k views.

what else is going on

Trump is going through impeachment hearings. Antonio Brown is losing his mind. The inventor of labradoodles regrets his creation, saying he invented a monster (a slap to owners of labradoodles everywhere.) Amazon created Echo glasses that will let Alexa sit on your face (sick) I haven’t had a belt for 2 weeks and it’s ruining my life (no link.)

That’s all folks! Don’t forget to email workretiredie@gmail.com to be added to the weekly newsletter. Let us know what else you’re interested in reading about and/or how smart you think the Content King is!