Work.Retire.Die.

Mark this one under content you didn’t know you wanted. It comes as a surprise to some that at many points in my life, people have approached me to ask: “Content King, what are the best cups in your apartment?” You may be surprised, but I am not. Here’s why- I have some great cups. Everyone knows that. I consume liquid in ways both enjoyable and memorable and often share my gifts with my friends. And now I share that gift with you, my loyal WRDies.

Many factors were considered in the ranking of my cups.

• Mouth size and width
  • Is the mouth a good size so I can drink heartily? Or is it so wide that it dribbles on my shirt when I drink from it?
• Liquid capacity
  • Does it hold a lot of liquid? Is it too much? Not enough?
• Heating/cooling capability
  • Can it keep things cool? How about hot? Does the outside of the cup change temperature, making it hard to grip?
• Overall durability
  • Does it break easily (pretty obvious)
• Emotional Connection
  • My associated memories with cup, overall fondness of container, etc.

Also, please note that I did not do a “Top 15 Cups.” I actually only have 15 cups total.

Cups in My Apartment: A Power Ranking

#15: Little Flower Guy

I will be honest. This is not a great cup. It’s really too small for much liquid. Plus the handle is incredibly tiny- you’d have to have an infant’s fingers to grip it. Frankly, this cup is only used during a pregame when I’m running low on supplies for the gang. If I hand you this cup, you should honestly be a little insulted.

#14: Bubba Thermal Bottle

This thing is weirdly tall and only for traveling purposes. But if you try to put it in the water bottle holder on the side of your backpack, it’ll just fall out because it’s so tall. So like what’s the point? Also the lid is cracked and will cut you the heck up. Good for coffee though.

#13: Bud Light Sea Isle

I have no idea where this came from. I think I stole it from my old roommate. He’s a great guy but this cup is not. Much skinner than it appears, and the mug handle is far too thick. I want to like this cup because Bud Light is cool (sponsored post) but ultimately, I have to remove emotion from the equation and just be honest: this cup sucks.

#12: My New Cup

This cup is new to the rotation. I bought it at a show for $10 because I had to. I like its flexibility- great for in the apartment or for on the road (thank you lid!) However, it does not seem very durable and frankly, I’m still getting a little used to it. We will have to wait and see if this fella cracks the top 10.

#11: Trinity College Shot Glass

I mean a shot glass is great but having only one of them is pretty weird. If you want to do shots with anyone else (I almost rarely do shots alone), you have to pour one from the shot glass into another cup so you get the right size (I generally use the Flower cup fyi) and then the other person does one from the shot glass itself. It’s a thing.

Then there is the whole issue that this is a Trinity College shot glass, which is where my roommate went. While I got in to Trinity, I did not go there so I don’t really care (I went to a much better school but we don’t have to get into that now.)  Also, there’s a pretty specific joke about the NESCAC schools and who drinks the most that I’m sure like less than 100 people would get. But I will say- man those Amherst guys are losers huh??

#10: Jameson Whiskey Glass 

Great cup and very cool. I got this from the Jameson factory when I went to Ireland with my family so it brings back some pleasant memories. However, it’s a whisky glass. I feel weird drinking anything besides whiskey from it. Lately, I have been feeling very grown up and have been drinking a glass of bourbon probably 3x a week. Still, that’s not frequent enough for this guy to crack the top 5. Sorry my friend.

#9: Rocco’s Modern Life Cup

Again, not my cup. It’s my roommate’s. And don’t get me wrong, it’s a great cup.. Wonderful height, perfect weight, ideal mouth width and size.  I just think Rocco’s Modern Life is a pretty weird show. Some may disagree but they can power rank their own cups. No one’s stopping them.

#8: Protein Shake Bottle

Hard to read but it says “Nothing works unless you do,” right there on the bottle. That’s a good message. Very motivating. Obviously, this is great for the gym and for mixing up a mean protein shake. But let’s be honest, I’ve gone to the gym 3 times in 2018. What I really use it for is helping myself to a big serving of ice water when I’m hungover and lying on my couch. Need a big cup for that. However, the mouth is realllly wide and the ridges feel weird and sometimes I spill it all over myself. Plus it has a lingering chocolate protein taste that won’t go away. Makes it hard to have things like orange juice in it.

#7: My Bathroom Cup

This cup was stolen from Peter Chang’s restaurant by one of my friends and I can’t blame him. One of the greatest cups I’ve ever seen. Perfect size. Interesting logo. Cool ridges that feel great in your hand. Keeps water ice cold but the grip remains room temperature. This cup should be top 3, but it’s been my bathroom cup since I moved in. It’s done admirably- holds several toothbrushes, my tube of toothpaste and sometimes even a razor. But I have a mental block and can’t imagine drinking from it, so it’s banished to the bathroom. Wasted potential. The saddest story every told.

#6: Solo Cups

Ok I cheated a bit. I obviously don’t have just 1 Solo Cup. That’d be bizarre. These are great for pregames and for spitting sunflower seeds into. And yes, these are great for drinking pretty much any liquid from. A little too cold to the touch if you have a lot of ice, but I’ll allow it. However, I feel kind of bad using them outside of a pregame because they’re going straight in the trash. And before you know it, I’ve used 25 in a week and I gotta buy new ones and it’s a nightmare.

#5: Rugrats Cup

Same deal as the Rocco cup. Structurally, a magnificent cup. Only reason it out-ranks Rocco is because Rugrats is just such a better show. Top 5 show, top 5 cup. Moving on.

#4: The Fruit Ninja Cup

I’m not sure what it is about this cup, but I just can’t keep away. It’s a bit wider than you’d expect, but not too wide that it’s showing off. It’s a great height and fits the perfect amount of liquid. Feels nice in the hand. And VERY sturdy. Good luck breaking this cup fellas. Not on Nutri Ninja’s watch.

#3: Oktoberfest Stein

Again, not my cup. Sorry old roommate. But this guy really brings the heat. Thick and long. Sturdy handle. Sentimental value from a fun afternoon at a Richmond Oktoberfest. Only concerns here are durability- this is ceramic and could easily shatter. Also, sometimes it’s a little too big. If you fill this whole thing up with coffee you’ll be up all night. Not the end of the world, but sometimes it’s too much to handle.

#2: Red Coffee Cup

This is everything the Oktoberfest Stein is, but the perfect amount of liquid. I think this fella is from Target and I’ve had him since my first apartment. He’s seen me grow a lot as a man and not once has left my side. Loyalty goes a long way in my book, and he’ll always have a place in the top 2.

#1: Moonshine Festival Mason Jar

This one cannot be beat. Perfect size. Perfect logo and message. Perfect memory from a 6 hour all you can drink moonshine festival. Perfect amount of hip quirkiness with the Mason jar. It just feels right. Sometimes you can’t explain it.

That’s the blog. Sorry you had to read 1500 words about my apartment’s cups.