Work.Retire.Die.

It’s Labor Day Weekend and summer is coming to a close. Sadly, it’s your last chance to wear white and to read a Summer Friday blog from your humble Content King. We’ve all grown this summer together. As employees, friends, and maybe even as lovers. It’s time to take a step back and reflect on the summer that was.

It’s time to decide who won Summer 2019 in a variety of important categories. As always, please note that all decisions are final and correct.

Song of the Summer: Higher Love, Kygo & Whitney houston

For those who have an ounce of intelligence, we have been running a Song of the Summer Bracket for the past month. Over 10,000 loyal WRDies voted on our Instagram page (just hit 4k followers!) and pushed Higher Love by Kygo and Whitney Houston to the finish line. Whitney was not available for comment but I’m sure she is off celebrating what is undoubtedly the highlight of her lackluster career.

For a full recap, check out Jag Mehoff’s new post.

Honorable Mention: Truth Hurts by Lizzie.

Phenomenon of the summer: All my friends traveling to foreign countries without me

Do people not have jobs? Do they make a million dollars? I can barely afford to eat at a sit down restaurant more than twice a month. Yet all of my friends are somehow traveling to Greece, Bali, or South Africa or some shit. It doesn’t make sense. Also, thanks for the invite @everyone. I would’ve said no but it’s nice to be asked.

Honorable Mention: Sitting in the sun for hours and not getting tan

Drink of the summer: Spiked Seltzer

I mean this is pretty obvious but you gotta tip your hat to the spiked seltzer industry. White Claws are having a moment and Truly’s are nipping at their heels. Even Four Loko is getting in the mix too. Honestly, I can’t wait for this trend to end. These things are nasty and either taste completely horrible or like nothing.

I am making a big bet on the next alcohol trend- Craft Malt Liquor. Please contact me separately if you are interested in getting in on a potential billion dollar industry. We are currently seeking investors for Fancy 40s.

Honorable Mention: Aperol Spritz. Every girl in America has ordered this drink at a rooftop this summer. It’s like $25 for some reason.

PHRASE OF THE SUMMER: HOT GIRL SUMMER

This one was a pretty unstoppable force. You can try to fight it but it’s not really worth your time. You should worry about other stuff like how your best days are almost certainly behind you and that your significant other loses more and more respect for you with each passing day.

Honorable Mention: “No Laws When You’re Drinking Claws”; “No Rules When You’re Hitting Juuls”; “You Should Follow WorkRetireDie on Instagram”

quarterback retiring in the prime of their career of the summer: josh mccown

A really nice guy with cool hair who is afraid of masturbation. That is all I ask for in my quarterback. He was kind enough to mentor future Hall of Famer and 2019 NFL MVP Sam Darnold and I will always love him for that. He has recently un-retired and joined the Eagles which is admittedly pretty rude to the Jets, but whatever. The hairflip GIF with Darnold rules

Honorable Mention: Andrew Luck

new tv show of the summer: i think you should leave w/ tim robinson.

This show is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. For those who don’t know, It’s a sketch show on Netflix from Tim Robinson, a former SNL writer and writer/star of The Detroiters, which is underrated af. The show is absolutely bananas but funny as all heck. My top 3 sketches are Poop Receipt, Car Focus Group, and the Magician one. Check it out so I can yell quotes from it at you in the absence of having an actual personality.

Honorable Mention: Chernobyl; Los Espooky’s; Soup Addiction Hotline.

food of the summer: popeye’s chicken sandwich

I couldn’t tell you if this is good since I still haven’t had one of these. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to actually be good because everyone on the Internet is talking about it nonstop. And if you know me, you know I get my opinions from 2 places – 1) other people and 2) Twitter. So yeah, it’s the best sandwich I’ve ever had and it’s not even close.

Honorable Mention: Watermelon. Arguably the most seasonal food ever. If you’re eating a watermelon outside of the summer months, you really need to take a step back and reconsider your choices.

clothing item of the summer: ssbd

The short sleeve button down, more commonly known as SSBD, is undefeated this summer and every summer. It is a certified Hot Guy Shirt and a force to be reckoned with. You can have normal plaid patterns, solid colors or even funky tropical. It doesn’t matter. You’re flashing those big impressive forearms of yours and staying cool with impressively breathable fabric. That’s a win in my book.

Honorable Mention: Shorts; Underwear; Hats;

Blog series of the Summer: Summer Fridays, Workretiredie

Wow what a tremendous honor. I am moved to tears. I have won countless awards but this right here means the most.

To find all the blogs from this summer, go HERE. If you want to pick your favorite, they’re listed below. If you don’t care, I understand. But you are 1500 words in so I think you’re just lying to yourself.

1. 5/24 – Jersey Shore Bars as People in Your Office
2. 6/7 – Golf with the Boys
3. 6/14 – Roadtrips
4. 6/21 – Summer Movie Superlatives
5. 6/28- Summer Jobs
6. 7/5- Declaration of Independence Facts
7. 7/12- Best Interns of All Time
8. 7/19 – Vacationing with Your Family
9. 7/26 – “Working” from Home
10. 8/2 – Song of the Summer Bracket
11. 8/9 – Pros and Cons of a Hamptons Share House
12. 8/16 – Summertime Sadness: Why Summer Kind of Sucks
13. 8/23 – Best Summers Ever
14. 8/30 – Summer of 2019 Wrap-Up and Awards

Let me know your favorite in the comments and BE NICE.