Editor’s Note: Every Friday afternoon from now until Labor Day, we will be dropping a new summer themed blog to close out your work day and take you into the weekend. If you’re new, go check out our previous Summer Fridays blogs. If you want to write or have an idea for a Summer Friday topic, shoot me a DM on Instagram @WorkRetireDie.
It’s the middle of August and the absolute dog days of summer. It’s hot as shit, everyone in your office is on vacation, and there hasn’t been anything good on TV in 2 months. As the most courageous man on the Internet, I’ll come out and say it. I’m completely sick of summer and I want it to be over.
Every single year around this time I get hit with the good old Summertime Sadness. I’m tired of traveling, my liver is begging for mercy, and my wallet is pissed at me. All I want to do is stay inside and mope my handsome little face off. I could try to be an inspiration to the tens of loyal readers of this blog and pull myself out of this dark hole. But honestly, being sad feels really good sometimes so let’s go ahead and lean in with a definitive power ranking of the Worst Things about Summer!!!!!
the worst things about summer
Luckily, I am not a huge sweater. Probably unsurprising to many of you since I am generally considered to have perfect genetics. But commuting to work or walking literally more than 30 seconds will leave my back completely drenched. As someone who likes to re-wear shirts at least 7 times before washing them, this is really messing up my life and overall confidence.
9. No consistent schedule
If you live in a city that is a pile of hot garbage and dead rats like New York City, it’s likely that you’re traveling most weekends to escape the hellscape that is your life. As a result, your week is full of social obligations – if you want to see anyone you’re friends with, that has to happen at a Tuesday night happy hour. It doesn’t make sense to buy groceries since you’re home for maybe one night tops and you’re a horrible cook. Plus, it’s impossible to get into a consistent sleep schedule since you’re going out all the time and it’s sunny as all heck. I’m mad!
This leads me to my next point, which is….
8. You Have No Time to Work Out But You’re Shirtless Nonstop
It makes no sense. This is the 3 months of the year when I have my shirt off the most and when I work out the least. My body generally peaks around February, which helps no one. Now, every time I go to the beach, instead of relaxing, I’m worried about how sloppy my body looks because I don’t believe in cardio.
7. spending a billion dollars on sunglasses because you lose them every 4 days
Sunglasses slips through my fingertips like sand and the unrelenting passage of time. Content King, if you lose sunglasses so much, why don’t you just buy some cheap ones and stop complaining? I tried that pal. I’ve lost 6 pairs this summer. I even tried to buy two pairs of Ray Ban’s during that Instagram scam thing. Hopefully my identity was not stolen. Regardless, I’m officially no longer paying for sunglasses and will only wear free ones that are given to me at concerts or work functions.
6. No One is in the office
Sure, it’s nice when your boss is out. But you can’t get stuff done when every time you email someone you get an automatic reply that they’re out of office for the next 2 weeks. Plus, you just end up having to cover for people who are out. I barely want to do my work. I definitely don’t want to do someone else’s.
5. TV is Horrible and Movies are Dumb
I need to be constantly entertained to distract myself from my dark and haunted past, which I will reveal and overcome in Act III. Summer is a bad time for that. There’s no sports on, every movie is about superheroes and Stranger Things was just kinda eh. Help me out here Summer.
I have no idea how sunscreen works, but it is top 3 inventions of all time. The better question is why do humans get sunburned in the first place? Did God not think we would be in the sun? Did he make half as many clouds as he originally planned? Something is not adding up but I am on the case. Stay tuned.
3. Pressure to Do Stuff with A Nice Day
I work kind of hard for most of the week. Some Saturdays I just want to sit on the couch and watch TV. But when it’s absolutely beautiful out and I see Instagram stories of people playing with a dog in a park or drinking on a rooftop, I feel like a bad person. I feel like a bad person all the time – I don’t think I can handle much more.
2. You Are Broke
Traveling. Drinking 6 nights a week. Buying new shorts because you spilled an entire plate of spaghetti on them at 2 am. Summer is expensive and there’s no way around it. I didn’t know my credit score could get any worse but this summer it did.
1. You’re Not Allowed to Complain About It
Everyone wants to have the BEST SUMMER EVER and post on Instagram about how much cooler and hotter they are than me. If you even think about saying summer suck, everyone tries to keep you quiet like the NFL to Will Smith’s doctor character in Concussion. Luckily, I have an incredible blog and a lot of free time at work. I will not be silenced. Many of the cowardly WRDies will be and I think that’s sad that they aren’t as brave as me.
Ok bye have fun this weeknd