This. Is. March. It’s officially #BracketSZN and the WRD Tournament Committee has returned to follow up last year’s wildly successful “Best Songs to Hear When You’re Drunk” tournament with a whole new round of 64 for 2019. For those new to the blog, go found out who won last year. Not to brag, but we were VERY ahead of the R. Kelly fiasco and gave one legendary EDM musician his final prize before he left us forever (RIP Avicii.)
We are beyond excited to release the highly anticipated field of 64 for the “Best Things in the World” tournament. Over the next three weeks, the tournament will be played out in conjunction with the less significant NCAA and NIT tournaments. The bracket will be updated after each weekend of play based on voting committee discretion. See below for some highlights from the field, storylines heading into the tournament, and some key match-ups taking place opening weekend.
Follow along on Instagram and vote for your favorite by Venmoing me $1 with the name of your favorite as the caption. You don’t have to do this, but it would honestly be super nice of you.
To be clear, this region is about satisfying physical feelings. This is a no-emotions WordPress and a no-emotions tournament. There’s no crying in blogging.
The Favorite: #1 Taking your ski boots off
A perennial favorite that has looked great in conference play, there are concerns this squad may have peaked too early in January and February…do they have the depth to last into April?
Dark Horse: #5 One Wipe Poops
A boom or bust team that is not for the easy of heart. When you get that first, perfect wipe, do you have the confidence to stop the wiping process? Or do you try a second one to be sure and ruin the moment?
Cinderella Team: #13 Getting into Bed with Clean Sheets
This team is incredibly talented and may have the most upside in the tournament. They struggle with consistency, because who the fuck cleans their sheets on a regular basis?
Match-Up to Watch: #2 Jumping in the ocean when you’re hungover vs. #15 Chair showering when you’re hungover
A battle of the water-based hangover remedies. Expect the Ocean to jump out to an early lead, but the experience of Chair Showering to keep the game close at the end.
A positively stacked region. Every single team could be a meme that goes micro-viral (this is what we call a post that gets more than 150 likes, which actually isn’t that much and is kind of sad to type out.)
The Favorite: #1 Getting a genuine compliment
With versatility that can extend to outfit choice, personality traits or being asked if you recently lost weight, this team is battle-tested and ready to claim the title.
Dark Horse: #9 Getting Drunk in a Suit
An all class program. This team is in the conversation every year, but do they know how to get down and dirty when the game becomes physical?
Cinderella Team: #11 Getting to the Platform as the Subway is Arriving
A very regional team that plays well at home- does their game translate once they leave their city?
Match-Up to Watch: #5 Checking your balance after a night out and it’s not that bad vs. #12 Realizing you have a mutual friend with someone you just met.
The 12 seed can create some serious noise, especially if the mutual friend is cool. However, expect Checking Your Balance to pull away once everyone realizes it’s not that shocking that 2 people who went to private college happen to know the same circle of people.
This is just cool shit.
Favorite: #2 Ice Cold Beer on a Hot Day
The most refreshing team in the tournament, they should run through this region with ease. However, they can get lukewarm down the stretch if the game extends to overtime and they’re left outside for too long.
Dark Horse: #7 2005 classic “Hitch”
This reliable squad leans on the chemistry between Will Smith and Kevin James to pick and roll teams to death. Eva Mendes and that chick who plays Allegra Cole provide strong defense, but do they have the bench to make it out of the second round?
Cinderella Team: #14 Slim Jim’s Instagram
This mid-major came out of nowhere and burst onto the scene, defeating Moonpie Twitter in double overtime during the Brand Social Media Account conference final. With a rabid Long Boi Gang fanbase and a style of play that has to be seen to believed, there is no team like @SlimJim in the tournament or on the Internet.
Matchup to Watch: #8 Red Zone vs. #9 Uber
Two of the greatest inventions of all time square off in a battle to see just how unnecessarily convenient we can make life.
Holidays, turning points in life, rites of passage. This region is full to the brim of periods in time that can’t be beat.
The Favorite: #1 Putting in your two weeks notice
Free from worry or responsibility, this team is playing the best basketball of their lives. However, with so much talent on the roster, there’s worry that players may be less concerned with winning a title than their next career move to the NBA.
Dark Horse: #9 Bachelor Parties
A team with a LOT of pressure on it – this is their last chance to win a championship.
Cinderella Team: #11 Mardi Gras in New Orleans
This team plays full throttle all the time. They wear teams out with their frantic pace, but can be beat if teams can slow it down on them.
Match-Up to Watch: #4 First warm day after Winter vs. #13 All expense paid spring break
The 13 seed is a young team with a lot of heart but almost no experience. They will make colossal mistakes that will haunt them later in the game (or life) but could sneak an upset against a 4 seed that lacks preparation and could end up wearing shorts when it’s only 57 degrees out.
- Taking ski boots off
- Jumping into the ocean when you’re hungover
- A warm bed in the winter
- Sticking it on the green from 165 yards out
- A full poop that only needs one wipe
- Putting on clothes fresh from the dryer
- Waking up well rested before the alarm goes off
- A well executed high five
- Popping a zit in middle school
- Waking up without a hangover after drinking all night
- Water trickling out your ear after you were in the pool
- A nice breeze after a good haircut
- Getting in bed with clean sheets
- The last sip of a milkshake from a metal cup
- Chair showering when you’re hung over
- A good, long, clear pee
- Receiving a genuine compliment
- Being awake for a booty call
- Hitting a huge bet
- Someone cancelling plans you weren’t excited about
- Checking your balance after a night out and it’s not as bad as you thought
- Leaving work on a Friday during the summer
- Deadline extensions
- When you buy something and don’t realize it’s on sale until you check out
- Getting drunk in a suit
- Delivering a good insult
- Getting to the subway platform right as the train is pulling up
- Realizing you share a close mutual friend with someone you just met
- Pressing submit
- Finding money in a pair of pants
- When you go somewhere crowded and find the people you’re meeting immediately
- When you hit the last point on a loyalty card for free food
- Drinking for Free
- Ice cold beer on a hot day
- Bottomless Brunch
- Clothes that fit perfectly in the dressing room
- A really good burger on a summer day
- The 2005 classic “Hitch”
- Red Zone
- A good pair of sunglasses
- A really good long form article when you’re bored at your desk
- A broken in baseball glove
- Bars that give you your card back after you open a tab
- Slim Jim’s Instagram
- Hot Tubs
- Pre-addressed return slips
- Putting in your two weeks notice
- Your favorite team winning a championship
- Reuniting with friends
- First warm day after winter
- Getting promoted at work
- The Masters
- Turning 21
- When it’s your birthday and people text you
- Bachelor parties
- 2 weeks between Christmas and New Years
- Mardi Gras in New Orleans
- Weddings with no duties
- All expenses paid spring break
- When March Madness starts and you have like 100 straight hours of basketball
- Drinking Holidays
- First night of a vacation
Don’t forget to follow on Instagram and to Venmo me your vote. I am very poor and promise to only spend half on drugs.