Work.Retire.Die.

*Editor’s Note: Today’s column comes from our guest writer, Laura “The Meme Queen” Mayfield. and is the latest installment in the parody series “Women In Business.

Check out her previous post, This Lady Makes $200 A Second in Passive Income. She’s been reading a lot of articles about “Hustlers” and “Grinders” like this one and decided to parody it. Enjoy.

Elizabeth Carey McWilliamson cares about hot dogs. “I always say, never skip lunch,” Elizabeth exclaimed. The 22-year-old is a 3rd generation hot dog heiress in Carey, Iowa. Her great-grandmother founded Henrietta’s Hot Dogs, after being inspired by her husband accidently eating the sausages she made for their dog’s dinner. Unfortunately, McWilliamson’s Great-grandfather choked on the sausages and passed away. Henrietta’s Hot Dogs have been in the family ever since that fateful day.

In 2001, Elizabeth’s mother took over the business after wrestling for control through a complicated legal battle between the two women. “Gran-mama had a different version for the company”, Elizabeth explained, but ultimately the shareholders believed our plan was the best: ‘More hot-dogs, no matter what’ was the way to go. Today, Elizabeth has a 40 percent share in the company.

Getting Things Done

McWilliamson wears a lot of hats, or to be more accurate, blood splattered aprons, at Henrietta’s hot dogs. She runs the grinders, does social-media campaigns such as #dontskiplunch, and taste-tests all the new hot dog flavors. “The most difficult part of the job is taste testing,” Elizabeth confessed. “Because I don’t have any functioning taste buds left, I have to wait and see if my body naturally throws up due to the hot dog being so bad, or I’ll get kicked out of a restaurant because I have bad lingering HDB (hot-dog breath)”.

“Usually if this happens, we know that flavor would not sell well”, Elizabeth explained. Elizabeth started out making only $100,000 a year after graduating high school, but gradually worked her way up, receiving an impressive 44% raise every year. “It’s just down to hard work”, Elizabeth said. These days no one wants to throw up after tasting hot dogs anymore” 

“The market is ever changing but one thing has been constant, people buying whatever garbage food our company makes. We just love packing hot dogs with whatever we get from the pig farm and delivering them straight to your gullet”, said Ronald, the head manufacturer at the factory,

‘You just get it over with every day, and then start the next day over again’

Elizabeth started her career in high school, going to her mom’s office in the factory daily and scrolling on her phone. “I really soaked everything in”, Elizabeth recalled fondly. “How my Mom yelled at people, the long hours we would make people work, and most importantly, complaining about taxes on our new cars while the employees had to take the bus.  This is essential to be a successful business owner.”

At first Elizabeth got bored sitting at the office every day. But her mother encouraged her not to quit. Elizabeth recalled her mother saying: “We are paying you $50 dollars an hour to sit here. Just stick it out, and you can go to Aspen this winter.” That really encouraged McWilliamson, and she has been in the office ever since, except for the days when she works from her multi-million dollar mansion or is on vacation in Fiji. “My employees expect me to be there to get things done. Or at least tell other people what to do.” Elizabeth said.

Being a Woman in the Hot Dog Industry

“There are a lot of assumptions about being a head honcho in the hot dog industry. People assume I do nothing because I am a CEO and a woman. But the fact is I’m eating 2, 3, 4 hotdogs a day. Not just anyone can do that. Besides that, I am sending out multiple tweets per day, with at least one of those tweets being business related!”, McWilliamson asserted. “People ask me if my brothers will take over the family business, and I reply, they died from eating too many bad hot dogs,” McWilliamson confessed.

I am proud to make so much money and be a woman in this largely male industry,” Elizabeth said. “Finally, I can achieve my dream and the dream of workers out there – eating junk food, while getting paid a lot. When mom joined the business, she was the hot dog heiress. And now that I have my own shares, I am the new hot dog queen,” she said.

McWilliamson doesn’t have any issues as a woman in a largely male industry. She has a lot of information and food related knowledge to be recognized as a fellow hot dog expert.

What Comes Next

Doctors have said that McWilliamson can’t keep taste testing hot dogs. “They said something about the hot dogs destroying my stomach lining,” McWilliamson laughed, “I plan on off-loading taste tasting to my assistant while I focus on the more important parts of the business- making sure me and my family members can continue to receive large bonuses.” Elizabeth is also on the Dangerous Food Board, a committee dedicated to lobbying congress to make sure FDA food regulations are lowered. She also volunteers in her community. Every Friday, Elizabeth or her assistant, Igor, drop off rejected hot dogs to the local food bank. “It’s important for me to give back”, Elizabeth said while fiddling with her Prada purse.

Whether it’s grinding up hot dogs or advocating for less worker rights, Passion for Henrietta’s Hot Dogs fuels Elizabeth’s life. “My workers may hate me, I may have a trending twitter hastag #killthehotdogheiress, and we are under light investigation for the “hot dog garbage pile” in the Pacific. But I still love my job”, she said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Do you have a creative or nontraditional career path that makes you buckets of cash?

We’d love to hear from you! Contact Laura to be considered for a future article of “Gross jobs- disgusting amounts of money”

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