Work.Retire.Die.

*Editor’s Note: Today’s column comes from our guest writer, Laura “The Meme Queen” Mayfield. Check out her previous post, Tips for Working in an Office This Summer. She’s been reading a lot of articles about “Hustlers” and “Grinders” like this one and decided to parody it. Enjoy.

Making money through your own business can be challenging. Luckily, some people are still able
to innovate and survive on the income from a start-up. This week we talked to Carol, who
started her own business this fall and is already able to live off the proceeds.

Carol lives in a treehouse and has squirrels harvest nuts for her. She then dumps those
nuts in a pile that says For Sale. In selling acorns, she is taking advantage of the hot acorn
market in her neighborhood. Lately, wealthy business crows have even driven up the prices.
She also sends voice memes about her process to her sister, who then compiles them into a
blog called : “Getting Nuts, Making Coin”.

From Carol : “I was a 44-year-old office drone making $4,000 a year removing staples
from important documents. I couldn’t even afford a barrel of hot oil to defend my tree house
ladder. This is a huge part of why I started stealing – I mean working with the squirrels.”

After just 4 weeks, “Getting Nuts” has grown into a multi level industry reaching far
beyond my neighborhood and even into the next street over. Over the last month, I have
grossed an average of 200 nuts and thousands of pennies from local Crow Magnates. Several
people in my family and immediate friend group have read my tips on how to find squirrel’s
acorn hidey holes,how to negotiate with Corvi (all members of the crow species) , and how to
dress for success(mainly by wearing large ponchos to keep the rain off). My blog is hopefully
inspiring others to start their own sustainable businesses as well.

My cat and I have reached financial independence, and we’ve saved enough to retire
whenever we want. This has allowed me to live my ideal lifestyle: I work just 10 minutes a week,
even less, if I have my cat helping to dump the nuts in my driveway. I am regularly out thrifting,
scampering, and burrowing.The best part of this lifestyle is that I have lots of energy in order to
winterize my treehouse for the winter.

How I Started My Financial Blog

Going Nuts began as a hobby, but about six months into sending my sister voice memos
and barking –“Write this down!” – she actually started writing Blog posts on my behalf, mainly in
forms of messages on her Facebook wall entitled – “ My sister doesn’t know how to read”, and “Here’s another crazy scheme that my sister sent me”. This was noticed by a large company,
McDonalds – who decided to sponsor us through a marketing campaign called “I’m hiding it”.

“I’m Hiding It” was a play on ‘I’m loving it’ about people hiding their food from predators, much
like the squirrels trying to hide their tasty acorns from me. Mcdonalds paid me $5 dollars in shiny
coins to post a “I’m hiding it” banner on the blog, and also had us promise to never frequent any
McDonald’s establishment again.

Carol Rumpleskistein-Hummer is the founder of “Getting Nuts, Making Coin”, where she
helps readers learn how to harvest acorns from acorns and sell them on the crow market.She
paid off nearly all of her tree house mortgage in 1 week, and now spends the winters huddling
under a blanket with her cat and defending her home with hot oil. Follow her through her sister’s
Facebook, personal voice messages, and scrawled rants written on rocks.

Here are my top tips for making the most money in order to survive for the least amount
of effort possible.

1. Scare others
   My blog , Getting Nuts, would never have happened if my sister didn’t
   genuinely fear my wrath if she didn’t help post my blog ideas. People read my
   blog and think, “This is a strong, independent woman who can take care of
   her family and knows what she wants. Also I don’t think I can say no to her
   without the threat of something happening to me or my belongings”
   Make sure your social media language is threatening and confident as well. A
   good trick is to write as if you are screaming your deli order at the counter to
   someone who makes too little to deal with your bullshit. People will be too
   shocked to do anything but read your important content.
2. Diversify your income streams.
   Scavenging is just one of the ways Carol makes money. She also knits her
   cat’s fur into small mittens for squirrels, has marketing deals/restraining orders
   with several large fast-food establishments, and is continually scheduling to
   pick up items on the buy nothing group with the hope of reselling them on
   ebay. Diversifying your income streams allows you to not be reliant on just
   one way of making money or just one of your traffic sources. Instead, you will
   have balanced income streams to mitigate risk.
3. Post consistently.
   While your old blogs can earn you income for years down the line, it’s still a
   good idea to keep generating fresh content. This helps you attract new
   readers or followers while also maintaining your loyal ones (who don’t want to
   see the same stuff over and over). Keep your rants fresh.
4. Don’t work well with others.
   If you are constantly helping people, they will take advantage of you
   eventually. Give someone just enough info to start a business and if they ask
   for more help, threaten to sue them for stealing your business ideas. Then tell
   them you will drop the lawsuit if they buy your video series on how to
   negotiate with crows. Don’t ask the readers what they want to read. People don’t know what
   they want. They will respond to panicky blog titles like : “The acorn market is
   dropping! Here’s the one food stuff you can sell to keep crows from attacking
   your hair.”
   

Don’t miss:

‘I work 400 hours a week’: A 77-year-old who makes $8,000 a year
in active, back-breaking labor shares her best business advice – you may be surprised by what she says.

This 22-year-old grosses $431,000 a year from his real estate investments—while making tik-toks and yelling at his mom

‘I made $1,000 in a month’: This 29-year-old got rejected from 15 Wendy’s —now he runs from cops while managing a knock-off Trader Joe’s which makes $1.5 million a year.