This is life now. Cope with us.

Life in the Corporate Bubble

Unless you’ve been completely asleep at the wheel for the past 3 months, you’ve probably heard about the NBA and their ‘bubble’ in Disneyworld, where all their players and staff have been living, working, and playing together for the past 80+ days. By all accounts, it’s been a smash hit and the fans, NBA and Disneyworld couldn’t be happier.

But now that the NBA season is ending and teams are leaving, Disney has been looking for ways to keep the magic that comes from forcing hundreds of employees to abandon their families and live together for months alive and well. Enter the Corporate Bubble.

That’s right folks, after this commercial dropped on the Internet superhighway, companies have been desperately trying to find a way to get in on that action. Unsurprisingly, Work Retire Die was selected as the first company to join and we invited our heroes from the Work from Home Employee Draft down to Orlando. Here’s how they’ve fared during Week 1.

Try Hard TerrY

Terry could not be happier about this recent turn of events. During quarantine, this man was posting self congratulatory, quasi-motivational LinkedIn statuses 3x a day. Now that he has actual humans to speak to, he can say ‘rise and grind’ in person at the continental breakfast every morning and loudly take sales calls in front of his boss to prove just how driven he is.

Just yesterday, he filled up an extra Gatorade cooler with hand sanitizer and dumped it on our intern after closing a sales call. Definitely appreciate the enthusiasm, but that’s in pretty clear violation of our HR protocol.

type a Tonia

She’s not taking this well. She desperately misses her apartment and has set up a nanny cam to keep an eye on her plants. Sure, she appreciates being able to harass her coworkers in person instead of via Slack, but there’s just something missing. Plus, Terry has been using the NBA crowd noise technology to pipe in background office chatter and it’s driving her crazy.

Dad mode Dave

This bubble has saved his life. Dave was living a personal hell during quarantine. His teenage daughters made him go viral basically twice a week on TikTok for a variety of cruel pranks and now his friends, loved ones and strangers on the Internet solely know him as “Dumb Dad,” humiliating him in a way that he did not even know was possible. Plus, he never actually figured out how to use Microsoft Teams so now he can actually join meetings.

He spends his evenings playing a quick 9 at the Goofy Mini Golf course and going down the Splash Mountain log flume to cool off. He mows the small strip of grass next to the hotel parking lot every single night because it’s the only thing in life he can control anymore.

Doesn’t give a shit donna

She did not think we would ever come back from quarantine and it shows. Her hair is inexplicably dyed orange and she seems to have put on at least 15 pounds. Since she never joined calls on video since her ‘camera wasn’t working’, this is the first time anyone has seen her in person and it’s quite a lot of process. Even though everything she says is extremely negative and frankly rude at times, she hadn’t spoken on a call in over a month beforehand, so it’s nice to hear her voice.

She still somehow is able to make excuses for all bonding events and has not once made it to team dinner at Chef Mickey’s, which is a real shame.

Recent grad randy

He was living at his rich parent’s house before this and the accommodations at Disney are actually a downgrade. We decided to make him and Terry room together to save on cost, and while he likes having a roommate again, Terry talks about ‘solutions-based client marketing’ almost nonstop so it’s a little hard to get sleep. Randy still has absolutely no idea how to behave in an office, but at least he’s not messaging you wildly inappropriate things while you’re sharing your screen so I guess that’s a win.

He’s already ridden all the rides at the park and has passed out drunk on the Epcot Around the World Drinking Tour at least twice. Keeps trying to hook up with Cinderella but will settle for one of her stepsisters.

Leave a Reply