Work.Retire.Die.

Holy Lord in Heaven. What just happened? After another wild weekend of matchups, we’ve finally made it to the Final Four of The Best Things in the World. It wasn’t easy. It took over 1500 committee text messages and 1200 Votes on our Instagram stories (thank you to the hot, loyal and nice-smelling WRDies) to reach our final 4, and a borderline illegal amount of Jameson and prescription drugs to cope with the results. But we did it.

For those of you who are just joining us, check out the initial round of 64 and catch up on what happened in the opening 2 rounds. For everyone else who actually respects the Content King and the Selection Committee, you know what’s been going down. There’s been blood, sweat and tears spilled on the Internet every day, as the greatest Feelings, Stuff, Moments and Events battle for the coveted title of Best Thing in the World. And it all took place on Work Retire Die, the world’s greatest small to mid-sized post-grad relatable content WordPress blog.

We’ve been getting a lot of questions from the fans about our voting process. In an unprecedented move, I will be revealing criteria, process and some exclusive behind the scene images of the rigorous procedure.

Here is a high-level summary:

• There are 7 committee members. We each get 1 vote.
• Fan results on Instagram Stories counts as 2 votes. Yes, this is double the power of the Content King. My love for the people knows no bounds.
• Voting is conducted in a group chat that I will not reveal the name of. It is definitely something cool and completely unique to the 20-something male experience like “Degenerates,” “Savages” or “Bad Boyz.”
• Votes are determined through a thumbs up or heart reaction. Emphasizing a text will not count. Questioning marking is grounds for removal. 5 votes wins.
• All decisions are final and correct. If you don’t like it, that sucks. I’m sure you can think of more important things to worry about.

Let’s get into it.

Where We Stand:

Feelings Region:

Winner: #2 Jumping in the Ocean When You’re Hungover

How’d We Get Here:

Sweet 16:

• #8 A Well Executed High Five knocks off 5th seeded One Wipe Poops
  • The myth of One Wipe Poops fades once it becomes clear that you still need a second wipe to really be sure.
• #2 Jumping in the Ocean When You’re Hungover defeats #3 A Warm Bed in the Winter
  • In a battle of waking up vs. going back to sleep, an explosive Jumping in the Ocean team pulls away with their ability to turn an entire day around in 5 seconds.

Elite 8:

• #2 Jumping in the Ocean When You’re Hungover defeats #8 A Well Executed High Five in an absolute blowout.
  • The fan favorite High-Five team was really just happy to be there, losing to a perennial power house that can go coast to coast with ease.

Behind the Scenes – Contemplating Suicide During a Hangover

Moments Region:

Winner: #4 Cancelled Plans

How’d We Get Here:

Sweet 16:

• #9 Drunk in a Suit falls to 4 seed Cancelled plans in a blowout of epic proportions.
  • Fresh off their miracle upset, a plucky Drunk in a Suit squad shows its youth and falls to the experienced Cancelled Plans team that is unstoppable at home.
• Cinderella story 10th seed Delivering a Good Insult holds off #6 Leaving Work on a Summer Friday in triple overtime
  • In the closest matchup of the tournament, Delivering a Good Insult pulls away and proves to be a team that will be remembered for the rest of your life.

Elite 8:

• A streaking 4th seed Cancelled Plans beats #10 Delivering a Good Insult in a back and forth struggle.
  • As good as it is to crush your friend’s spirit with a cutting, deeply personal burn in front of people they respect, the feeling of getting back into sweats and watching another 3 hours of reality dating shows on a Tuesday night can’t be beat.

Behind the Scenes: Just How Negative Can One Group of People Be?

Stuff Region:

Winner: #4 Water

How’d We Get Here:

Sweet 16:

• Top seeded Drinking for Free falls to the a plucky #4 Water team
  • The heavy favorite Drinking for Free runs out of steam at the end of the night, as some players end up losing control and getting embarrassingly drunk at a company holiday party.
• #2 Ice Cold Beer on a Hot Day knocks off #3 Bottomless Brunch in a blowout of convincing fashion.
  • Ice Cold Beer coasts against a team that ends up just being bad food, watered down drinks, and waiters who are too slow to refill your glass.

Elite 8:

• #4 Water defeats #2 Ice cold beer on a hot day in a surprise, come from behind victory.
  • Ice Cold Beer starts off great but gets lukewarm after about 5 minutes and loses to the one team that is better at surviving than anyone else in the tournament.

Behind the Scenes – What Kind of Water Are We Talking About?

Events Region:

Winner: Reuniting with Friends You Haven’t Seen in a While

How’d We Get Here:

Sweet 16:

• #9 Bachelor/ette Parties defeats 5th seeded Getting Promoted at Work
  • The dark horse Bachelor Party teams pulls away against a Promoted team that you usually kind of saw coming anyways and only means more work, responsibility and stress.
• #3 Reuniting with Friends beats #2 Your Favorite Team Winning a Championship in the most contentious matchup in the tournament.
  • A scrappy Reunion squad comes roaring back after Winning a Championship loses focus and gets a little less exciting after the first time it happens.

Elite 8:

• #9 Bachelor/ette Parties falls to a 3rd seeded Reuniting with Friends You Haven’t Seen in a While.
  • A very top-heavy Bachelor Party team can’t live up to the hype and falls to a versatile Reuniting with Friends team that never gets rusty and plays well in any situation.

Behind the Scenes- Bachelor/ette Parties Talk

FINAL FOUR MATCH-UPS:

What to Expect

• #4 Cancelled Plans vs. #2 Jumping in the Ocean When You’re Hungover
  • A battle of avoidance, pitting human contact vs. the debilitating effects of alcohol abuse.
• #4 Water vs. #3 Reuniting with Friends that You Haven’t Seen in a While
  • What is more essential to human life –  a substance composed of hydrogen and oxygen and existing in gaseous, liquid, and solid states or maintaining strong interpersonal bonds with people that you like, respect, and care about?
    

Keep following along on the Instagram and vote in the stories. Remember – fan vote counts double.