Buzzword Dictionary 3/1
Here at WRD, we know that we were put on this Earth to do 1 thing: arm our loyal readers with a treasure chest of content that both entertains, informs and seduces (attractive people only !!! ) Recently, we unleashed the newest tool in your professional arsenal: Buzzword Dictionary. Corporate-speak is a language all of its own and it would take a Harvard linguist professor many lifetimes to master. Luckily for you, I am a genius and have already figured it all out. Because I am one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, I will be sharing my knowledge, free of charge.
Each week we will be defining three (3) corporate buzzwords. Find our master list of Buzzwords click here.
1. Best Practice (noun)
Definition 1: Procedures or ways of doing things that are accepted as being correct.
Manager: Hey Chris, just so we’re clear, calling a client a coward because he didn’t like your pitch is really not best practice.
Chris: Noooo that wasn’t about the pitch. That was because I slept with his wife.
Manager: Oh nice- she’s super hot man.
Chris: She also has a great personality you shallow piece of shit.
Definition 2: The most effective or efficient way to do something.
Guy 1: Dudeeeee I’m so fucked up. Been pouring vodka straight into my beers all night.
Guy 2: Seriously dude? That’s probably not best practice.
Guy 1: You’re right Guy 2. The girl that I love is getting on a plane and I’m just sitting here. What am I doing?
Guy 2: I meant the vodka beers but ya know what? Go get her man.
Guy 1 (standing up and wobbling): How am I going to get there? I can’t drive my car.
Guy 2: Oh no worries- just take mine. Tosses Guy 1 the keys. Don’t forget the fill up the tank when you’re done! Smiles and shakes his head, chuckling at that goddam dreamer.
Definition 3: When you and your teammates have the best practice you’ve ever had : )
Coach: Great work fellas! That was our best practice yet! Snow-cones on me!
Kid: Are you going to pretend to not have cash and ask us to spot you like last time?
2. Alignment (noun)
Definition 1: When everyone is in agreement on something
Jim: Ok so we’re all in alignment on next steps right? Everyone knows what they have to do?
Bruce: Yes. Rescue my wife from the terrorist Hans Gruber.
Jim: Bruce- you’re not in Die Hard anymore. You’re a CPA now.
Bruce: Right. I can see dead people.
Jim: No that’s the kid. And again, this is a corporate office. Not Sixth Sense.
Bruce: Ok. Pulp fiction.
Jim: We’re done here.
Definition 2: To be on the same page as someone else
Randy: What happened to you and Jessica man? She seems pretty upset.
Frank: Turns out we weren’t in alignment on what our relationship was.
Randy: What do you mean?
Frank: Well, I told her that if we were officially dating, we should stop seeing other people.
Randy: Seems fair.
Frank: So she cut out her eyeballs. So she couldn’t see other people.
Randy: Kinda on you for not being more specific.
3. Key Takeaways
Definition 1: An important point to be taken from the information presented.
Manager (in a meeting with his team): Hey gang, let’s go over the meeting from this morning. Sarah- what’d you learn?
Sarah: Well my key take-away was that Plan B does not work 100% of the time.
Manager: I meant the budget review. Not your doctor’s appointment.
Sarah: Well I’m pregnant and it’s your. I’m keeping it and you can’t stop me!
Manager: Can you not do this in front of everyone Sarah?
Ryan: Can you name him Ryan?
Definition 2: An important turnover late in a football game
Malcolm Butler’s interception in the Super Bowl against the Seahawks was a key takeaway.