EDITOR’S NOTE: Today we have a special guest column from our newest writer, Jag Mehoff. As the world’s second largest Jags fan (after this blog), he is basically family on WRD. He wanted to be called something cooler but whenever I have the chance to force a jerk-off/Jaguars pun, I’m taking it. That’s why I make the big bucks. Enjoy.
Getting Through the Week (end): Day Drinking
The end of February and the beginning of March is a wonderful time. Finally, we have weather that doesn’t suck and make you question why you don’t run away and start a new life in Hawaii as a vet at an aquarium like Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates. At least he found love right? Anyway people are in a much better mood because they aren’t stuck inside all weekend with their significant other asking them to watch reruns of “This Is Us” while crying their eyes out (crying is cool deal with it).
As soon as the temperature outside reaches 60 degrees and above, the weekends become much more enjoyable because all of a sudden there is so much more to do. Like drink your face off. Some haters will say “well can’t you drink your face off when the weather isn’t as nice? I mean arguably I would rather drink alcohol when the weather sucks to hide my seasonal depr…” shut it. Yes you may be more inclined to drink in the winter because everything sucks, but one thing you can’t enjoy is day drinking.
Ahh day drinking. Just saying it makes me feel better. Is that a problem? Probably. But whatever.
Day drinking is awesome on so many levels. You can enjoy the beautiful weather with your friends at some roof top bar, someone’s sick ass porch that their parents probably paid for, or a beach if you’re lucky enough to live there. It also allows you to push the envelope a little further on a Friday night after a long week of work because what plans do you have in the morning? Getting over the massive hangover you have after your co-worker Robert from finance decided to buy you several shots of some weird blue shit he used to drink back in college because his girlfriend of 4 years is out of town and he wants to tell you allll about his commitment issues. Get it together Rob. The best way to move past that hangover? Something our forefathers would call “hair of the dog.” No it does not mean to literally consume dog hair you weird ass. Editor’s Note: this is also the name of New York City’s #1 bar of which I am a extremely consistent regular. It means to consume alcohol again, because technically your body is going through withdrawal and that is what it is craving. Boom. Knowledge.
So when you wake up in a haze on Saturday morning next to Robert’s girlfriend who was supposed to be out of town but turns out was partying with her girlfriends, and knows by the look of you that you can take care of a woman much better than good old Bob, it’s best to start pouring some more booze. With that said, here are some tips on day drinking like the true professional that no one has ever considered me, but I feel like I am:
PRO TIP #1: Careful with the mimosas and Bloody Mary’s
Everyone loves a good mimosa. I mean the combination of champagne and orange juice mixed together in a champagne glass? Fancy as hell. Not only will you get a solid buzz, but you will also feel like you have the power to critique what non-mimosa drinkers are wearing because you’re obviously classier. Plebeians. When it comes to Bloody Mary’s ,they may not make you seem as extravagant, but they show you are a true veteran of morning drinking. As a kid, whenever an adult would order a Bloody Mary, I didn’t know what the hell was about to come over the counter. It could have been actual blood from some broad named Mary for all I knew. As I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate them for what they are…a great way to beat a hangover. And if the restaurant does some cool shit like put a cheeseburger slider on the top for you to eat while you drink it, then as kids today would say, that’s fire (did I use that right?).
- As great as these drinks are, you need to be careful with your pace. Both can be addicting, but mimosas can light you up faster than some “oregano” at a Wiz Khalifa concert. This is especially true for when you go to a bar or restaurant with bottomless mimosas. You pay $25 and the waiter/waitress keeps coming around to refill your glass when it’s empty, then before you know it you’ve had 8, it’s 11:30am, and you’re ready to pass out while your friends are just getting started. Day drinking is truly a marathon, not a sprint. So don’t be a hero.
PRO TIP #2: Make sure you eat
Look if you haven’t figured out by now that when you plan on drinking heavily you have to eat something, then you are either one of our younger readers… in which case I apologize for the profanity that is constantly being thrown out on this page but you were going to learn it eventually so welcome to the real world junior… or you just aren’t very smart and love throwing up. Which I guess is cool. You do you. Seriously though please eat for the love of god. Carb up. Bagels, potatoes, waffles, pancakes, pizza, leftover Chinese food, something! If you don’t then you most certainly will end up getting too drunk and hating yourself, but not as much as your friends who are taking care of your sick ass hate you. Day drinking can obviously go on all DAY so it’s best to make sure your stomach has something to soak up whatever it is you’re consuming.
PRO TIP #3: Try to stay hydrated
Does this seem like a lame tip? Sure it does. Some of you might say “how can I get drunk if I’m hydrated?” which is a fair point. However when day drinking, it most likely will be warm out, and alcohol has been known to dehydrate people (shocker.) So it’s easy for the buzz to sneak up on you all of a sudden. If you are committing to day drinking in the first place, the last thing you want to do is be too inebriated to stand by 4pm, and have to go home and sleep the night away when it’s gorgeous out. This doesn’t mean carry a water bottle with you at all times (which you can do, but it’s a hassle and people will judge.) Just be smart and maybe order a water from the bartender when you get your next drink. If people say “hey nice water loser!” say “hey Robert I slept with your girlfriend last night!” and that usually works. Also most establishments these days have water fountains near the bathroom so if you see one when you are walking by just take a drink for a few seconds.
- One thing I have learned to do is prepare ahead if I know that I will be day drinking the next day. For example in the morning before I head out I will drink something that is literally made to keep you hydrated. Like coconut water. Maybe that’s gay. but it doesn’t taste bad and also will help your body stay hydrated throughout the course of the day.
PRO TIP #4: Pace yourself, you animal
I know that at the first crack of warm weather you may start to feel good and toss all cares to the wind but keep your head on straight damnit. Just because it’s 72 degrees out and you are with all of your friends on some sick rooftop in New York City and the girl you have had a crush on since 2013 just said she wants to make out, doesn’t mean you turn into Frank the Tank and start crushing. Remember what happened to him? He ran naked through the streets, got a tranquillizer dart to the neck, and ended up divorcing his wife. Tragic. Don’t let that be you. Unless everything works out with that girl… then by all means celebrate your ass off. You did it champ.
Day drinking can become expensive as well so that is another reason to take it slow. It is important to make sure you are not the only one contributing to the festivities. We all have that one friend that will try to get through the day without paying for anything, and more often than not that same friend has the best job and makes more money than all of you. Make sure that jackwagon ponies up.
PRO TIP #5: Enjoy it
Most of these tips have involved ways to prevent yourself from looking like an asshat which is important, but don’t forget to enjoy it. Guess what? You got through winter. You did it! No more gross mixture of snow and rain, gray cold days, or people constantly looking like they hate everyone. The seasons are changing and it’s almost time for flip flops, sleeveless flannel shirts, and jorts. (We appeal to all types of readers here at WRD… go Gators?). Seriously though take the time to appreciate the fresh air, warm weather, friends, and quality beverage you have in your hand.
So there you have it. Some quality tips passed on from yours truly that will help you appreciate day drinking in all of its glory. This weekend get together with some friends and talk about how hilarious WRD is while you CAREFULLY consume mimosas. Sounds like fun am I right?