Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared on our award-winning LinkedIn page. We’ll be posting more short-form, work related content there, and leaving the longer form stuff for the good ol’ WordPress. PLEASE CONNECT WITH US ON LINKEDIN. You deserve to be entertained while you better your career and stalk your 9th grade ex-girlfriend to see if she ended up more successful than you.
Cowritten by our LinkedIntern. All good jokes courtesy of Content King. All names have been changed except Aaron from Sales.
7 Surprising Benefits of Open-Plan Offices
Open-plan offices are the future of Corporate America and an incredible way to help employees feel cool, hip and like they don’t need to be paid what they’re worth. Sadly, they’ve been getting criticized lately by ‘scientists’ who’ve done ‘studies’ showing that employees are ‘consistently unable to focus’ and ‘feel constantly under pressure to look busy.’
Well guess what – we’re standing up to the haters and making sure everyone realizes how sick open-floor really is. Here’s 7 benefits you probably were too dumb to realize.
7. You can watch Cassie plan her wedding from afar. A nice reminder that you will never be good enough for her.
6. Sickness spreads easier in an open office. If anyone nearby coughs, feel free to take the next 3 days off to take a nice trip somewhere. Consider filing for worker’s compensation.
5. Bored with just your lunch? Luckily for you, Sam brought leftover Chicken Tikka Masala and was nice enough to eat it at her desk, a mere 36 inches away. Your sad desk lunch just became a fun date! Sam is no Cassie, but it’s nice to go get back out there again.
4. Save money on a Spotify subscription because Tyler’s music is loud enough for everyone to enjoy.
3. The complete lack of personal space and privacy is excellent training for our dystopian future of over-population and government interference.
2. At long last, you’re finally able to listen in as Aaron from Sales paces around your working space with Air-Pods, berating someone for ‘jerking me around all week bro.’ This is easily the closest you’ve ever been to someone that fucking sick.
1. Get yourself a standing desk. Not only can you make weird eye contact with anyone in front of you, but now everyone behind you has a perfect line of sight as you stalk Cassie’s Facebook, LinkedIn, and Ancestry.com for 45 straight minutes.