Work.Retire.Die.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!! Today is the best holiday of the year- bar none. It’s about delicious food, getting drunk with your family, and napping for 4 hours on your couch while everyone else does the dishes. It’s the start to the holiday season and all the Christmas decorations, movies, songs, and that stuff that makes you warm and fuzzy.

It’s also the time to think about what we’re thankful for. If you’re lucky enough to be reading this blog, you have a lot to be thankful for. Access to Internet. Eyeballs that work. The privilege of absorbing the words of the distinctive voice of this nation, a generational talent that will probably be rich and famous very soon (that’s me btw)

As the Content King, I have a lot to be thankful for myself. Obviously my thick head of hair and broad shoulders are nice. And sure, it’s pretty cool that like millions of people look up to me and women lust for my touch. And of course, I have a wonderful family that’s funny, smart, kind, and all around great people. How else would I have turned out this well?

But, we all knew that. Here’s what I’m really thankful for….

What I’m Thankful For

• Bars that give you your card back when you open up a tab
• General Tso’s Chicken
  • America’s greatest invention
• When the direct deposit hits a day earlier than you expected
• Times I wake up after blacking out and haven’t done anything bad or texted anyone stupid
• The fact that I have zero appreciation for nice things so I don’t feel the need to spend money on frivolities.
• My warm bed when it’s cold outside
• That my job doesn’t involve manual labor and I can sit down all day
• Drake and Josh

• Meetings that end early
  • “Well, if there are no furthers questions, then everyone’s got 5 minutes back in their day”
• SparkNotes
• Friends who are good planners so you just have to show up to stuff
• The phrase ‘follow up offline’ when I wasn’t paying attention on a conference call
• The Army
  • I’m definitely fit for combat but I would really just rather not
• When there’s free lunch at the office
• Summer Fridays
  • Currently petitioning to start Winter Mondays where everyone gets to come in at noon and ease into the week.
• NyQuil for Sunday nights when I’m too anxious to fall asleep

• People who you are comfortable enough with that you can watch TV and look at your phones in silence together and it’s still actually kind of fun.
• Kid Cudi’s “Man on the Moon” in 11th grade
• The ability to send emails
  • Did people just like send lots of memos before email? Honestly confused how anything ever got done.
• Friends who are cool with you not wanting to hang out sometimes
• Jessica Simpson’s “These Boots Are Made for Walking” Music Video

• Online Bill Pay
  • Can you imagine MAILING a check
• When you bring an extra layer and everyone makes fun of you and says you won’t need it but then it gets cold and you do need it
• LinkedIn (so you can stalk people who email you and see what they look like)
• Hot people’s Instagrams that aren’t private so you can look at them without having to follow
• Uber
  • In college, I would have to CALL A CAB to go to the bars
• A good book on a rainy day
• NFL Red Zone
• When the answers to a take home exam are online
• Managers who don’t really track your vacation days
• People who do things without you having to ask them twice
• The person who gets too drunk at the company holiday party and takes the heat off everyone else
• Barbers that know when to stop talking and just cut your hair
• When you get to the platform right as the subway arrives
• Margot Robbie in “Wolf of Wall Street”

• Picking a hard booger and flicking it
• When you play the name game with someone you just met and you realize you share a close mutual friend
• The chemistry between Vince Vaugh and Owen Wilson
  • Electric
• GPS/Navigation Systems
  • Can you imagine navigating using a MAP

• Wash and fold laundry services
• That 2 year stretch where having a dad bod was cool
• The fact we live during peak TV and you can consume almost endless high-quality art from your couch.
• Jonah Hill Movies
  • He is the greatest talent of our generation. Quick list of his credits, which incidentally all happen to be my favorite movies
    • Superbad, 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up, Wolf of Wall Street, Lego Movie, Maniac, This is the End, Get Him to the Greek, Funny People, Walk Hard the Dewey Cox Movie, Accepted, Grandma’s Boy, 40 Year Old Virgin, Click (Ben at 17 years old)
• Venmo
• The Loyal WRDies
  • Sincerely, thank you to all the WRDies. Your clicks and like are much appreciated. It is the only thing that makes me feel anything anymore. This thriving business would be nothing without you. Keep telling your friends.