Surprise, surprise. Work Retire Die has expanded its empire once again. Any good monarch knows that a king’s job is never complete, especially in the world of content. As such, we must continue to grow our dynasty across the far reaches of the Internet each and every day.
We’ve conquered our birthplace, the Island of WordPress, after a bloody rebellion built on long form blogs and relatable listicles. We’re stormed the gates of Instagram, conquering the land of memes thanks to an alliance with House Slim Jim. We’ve invaded the hills of YouTube, establishing colonies to fortify a future generation of loyal WRD subjects. And now, Work Retire Die turns our gaze toward the final frontier – the lucrative Land of LinkedIn.
This foray will be demanding, but like any successful leader, I’m not too proud to ask for help. I am pleased to announce we’ve hired a full-time, completely unpaid intern who will be assisting with our expansion. We’ll just call him Intern because I honestly forget his name and I only really hired him because I owed his dad a favor.
I know what’s going through your head. Content King – I think you’re hilarious and handsome, but why in the actual hell would I associate myself with you on a serious platform that impacts my career?
I’m glad you asked. Here’s why you absolutely need to connect with us professionally.
1.We won’t be a dick and make you look bad
LinkedIn is a legitimate place to network and find a job. Work Retire Die will never do anything to hurt you – we want all our WRDies to become rich af and buy us yachts.
This is for entertainment purposes only. It’s for the people who spend hours on LinkedIn and want a break from a feed that’s the same thing over and over and over again. It’s for people who realize that LinkedIn is 100% necessary but 100% bullshit. It’s for people who think Gary Vaynerchuk is the most obnoxious man to grace the Internet. It’s for anyone who is cool, smart and within the top 11-15 hottest people in their office.
2. We are an incredible candidate and talented professional that you absolutely need in your network.
Like any elite LinkedIn user, we boast an incredible profile, fully optimized to attract top recruiters.
Boasting a deep resume, full of experiences from the most respected companies and educational institutions in America…
…where we’ve developed skills that will serve us not only in the workforce, but in life.
3. We’ll write you a recommendation or endorse you for whatever please
- But only if you message us to ask first.
4. We post important, informative content to make you a better person
At Work Retire Die, we know it’s our solemn duty to share what we’ve learned in our remarkable careers…
….and provide tips and tricks for the common man, laying out thorough, step by step processes to help our hard-working fans make the most of each and every day.
5. You Can Always Use another Connection
It’s statistically proven that having 500+ connections on LinkedIn makes you more searchable to recruiters, increases credibility when adding new connections, improves your profile view count, and totally shows the cool kids from high school that they were wrong to bully you.
6. We Engage with Thought Leaders and Influencers in a Healthy, Productive Way
8. It’s the easiest way to read new blogs
It’s much easier to click a link on LinkedIn than go to the Instagram bio and try to read a 1500 word article on your phone while you’re at your desk.
9. We’ll Inspire You. Each and Every Day.
10. I Asked You To