Buzzword Dictionary: 2/21
Here at WRD, we know that we were put on this Earth to do 1 thing: arm our loyal readers with a treasure chest of content that both entertains, informs and seduces (attractive people only !!! ) Recently, we unleashed the newest tool in your professional arsenal: Buzzword Dictionary. Corporate-speak is a language all of its own and it would take a Harvard linguist professor many lifetimes to master. Luckily for you, I am a genius and have already figured it all out. Because I am one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, I will be sharing my knowledge, free of charge.
Each week we will be defining three (3) corporate buzzwords. Find our master list of Buzzwords click here.
1. Out of Scope (descriptive adj.)
Definition 1: An activity that falls outside the boundaries of what was agreed upon.
Boss: Hey can you stay late this Friday? We gotta wrap up that presentation for next week.
Me: Actually, it’s Summer Fridays so that’s out of scope for me.
Boss: It’s February.
Me: Not in Australia.
Boss (to himself): Jesus this kid’s a genius.
Definition 2: Something that’s beyond what you’re willing to do.
Girl: I had a really nice night with you.
Guy: Me too. I love pottery. (Pause) It seems a shame to end the night so early. Can I come up to your place?
Girl: On the first date? That seems a bit out of scope doesn’t it?
Guy: Yeah you’re right (mutters under his breath) how am I going to murder you now.
Definition 3: When you’re out of Crest Scope toothpaste
“Hey can you run to the store? We’re out of Scope.”
2. Deep Dive (verb)
Definition 1: To do a ton of mostly unnecessary work for a project that’ll probably get cancelled.
Boss: Can you do a deep dive on Company X to see if it’s a worthwhile investment? Need it first thing tomorrow morning.
Manager: Yes sir-I will handle that personally.
Manager (to intern): How do you feel about not sleeping tonight?
Intern (a vampire who doesn’t sleep): Sure. I’m excited to sink my teeth into it. Turns to the camera and winks.
Definition 2: To perform thorough analysis on a subject matter or problem
Therapist: So do you think your parents’ moving 10 times before you were 11 led to your feelings of loneliness and isolation?
Me: No that didn’t really start until I started talking to my invisible friend James. That was 8th grade.
James (sitting next to me and definitely visible): Invisible? Fuck you dude- I’m your only friend. I don’t even know why I agreed to come to this with you.
Me: Shut up bro. Now it looks like I’m talking to myself.
Therapist: Ok let’s deep dive into this one.
3. Pick Your Brain (verb)
Definition 1: To share your valuable knowledge with someone for free.
Boss: Hey, are you free later? I’d love for you to meet with the new hire Ryan so he can pick your brain on what you’ve been working on.
Tony: Are you sure you’re not just having me train Ryan so you can eventually fire me without missing a beat?
Boss: What would make you say that?
Tony: The to-do list on your desk that says “have Tony train his new replacement Ryan and then fire him so we don’t miss a beat”
Boss slowly crosses off “Humiliate Tony while asking him to train his new replacement Ryan before I fire him so we don’t miss a bit” from his to-do list.
Definition 2: To ask someone’s opinion on something.
Fiancee: So glad I found you. The flowers for our weddings just came and I would love to pick your brain.
Me: Go ahead.
Fiancee: Ok I pick…Martha Stewart’s.
Me: Oh like literally pick my brain. Like select my brain.
Me: Funny stuff.
Fiancee: Thanks. Might put it on my blog.
Me: I wouldn’t.