Week Old News- 12/13/17
Whats New in This Pathetic World:
A lot of stories come across the WRD desk every day. In this fast paced news cycle, we know how important it is to deliver content to our readers in a timely manner. That’s why we have made it our mission to blog about THE hottest news stories at LEAST 1 week after they’ve happened.
Meghan Markle Continues to Play Hard to Get With Me and Engages Prince Harry
Oh Meghan. Why do we have to keep playing this game? For those who don’t know, Meghan and I dated on and off for years. She wanted the ring. I wanted my career and the harem of beautiful women that came with it. I tried to break it off but she kept coming back. The chemistry in the sheets was just too dynamite I guess. Finally, she gave me an ultimatum: marriage or we’re done. I had to let her go. Now she runs off to Prince Harry? We’ll see. No one’s married yet.
Update: they’ve set a date. Still not worried
LiAngelo Ball Leaves UCLA To Maybe Pursue Male Model Career
As the universal middle child blog, we whole heartedly support LiAngelo Ball aka the “Hot Ball Brother” on WRD. He is so superior to his brothers it’s not even funny. Lonzo can’t shoot and has acne while LaMelo has braces for Christ’s sake. Have you seen LiAngelo? Guy is smoking hot. Plus, he’s gotta have a chip on his shoulder with his family getting all the attention even though you KNOW he could beat the shit out of all of them.
We will see what his next move is but something tells me it will be smoldering and penetrating. To learn more click HERE
Conspiracy Afoot? Bitcoin Skyrockets While Every Stock I’ve Ever Invested in Has Plummeted.
Hmmm this seems suspicious. My money troubles are well documented but one thing I know is that picking stocks is easy. But what do ya know this Bitcoin thing is rising faster than the yeast in my babbushka’s famous sour dough. But at the same time, my stocks tumble like Gabby Douglas at the Olympics? Something doesn’t add up here. Why would the Wall Street try to keep me out of their inner circle? Something tells me the GOVERNMENT has more than a little to do with it. More to come.
Update: My stocks are still plummeting. Your move Obama.
Herm Edwards Makes Me Jump Out of My Seat and Scream at My Secretary Because I Can
Real recognize real. As the content king, it’s nice to be on top, but it get a little lonely. I’ve been sitting on my throne for a while, waiting for a man of my caliber to come challenge me and push me to greater heights. When I saw Herm Edwards I knew I’d met my match. His introductory press conference stirred passion inside me that I didn’t know existed. Finally, a worthy opponent. If I know Herm (and I do), this is just the tip of the iceberg and the start of things to come. Here’s a little taste.
One thing is for certain, ESPN will miss this young man. Hilarious content. I would know.
Master of Escape War Criminal Drinks Probably Fake Poison To Escape Life Sentence
Talk about a real-life Pablo Escobar. This Bosnian general Slobodan Praljak was on trial for 20 years of don’t drop the soap time because he like murdered a bunch of people I think. What did he do at the trial? Oh nothing much just drank some poison and “died”. Please. I’ll believe it when I see it.
Follow up story. He is dead never mind.
See you in the next 1-3 weeks for more week old news.