Is This Person Flirting With Me? A College Student Guide.
*Editor’s Note: This article comes from the content dream team known as Study Party Die, the two headed monster of Sam the Intern and Intern Tavi. Check out more of their college related content here.
Although we’ve told our parents that we’re at college to study hard and get a degree, we’ve got many other strong prerogatives. The focus of many of our blogs revolve around drinking, but we’ll put that to rest so it doesn’t get too stale and we can keep getting paid for these. Thanks, Jack. Your little content honey bees are hard at work.
What’s beautiful about college is that it’s all about fresh starts. Let’s say you weren’t the most popular person then, you have the chance to completely reinvent yourself now. If you weren’t successful at finding any significant others, now’s your chance! And that really takes us to the heart of this article–there are simply way more options in your college life.
While before, your love life may have been limited to other students in your grade, being a college freshman means every person older than you is technically eligible. But warning!–these situations can sometimes get a little sticky (pun intended). While you may be thinking to yourself: “wow, I think that cute teacher’s assistant might be flirting with me”, you might have to consider that they might just be trying to help you not fail your Intro-algebra class. In this article we will be compiling a comprehensive guide of how to avoid issues like these. Before you try and bed your future spouse, ask yourself:
Are They Flirting with Me?
1. School Tour Guide
In this situation you haven’t even been admitted to this university yet. You’re walking probably touring around with your parents when suddenly you start to notice that your tour guide might be giving you the eyes…? So instead of paying attention to anything this guide might say about dorm-living, class selections, dining hall food, you have dedicated yourself to figuring out if this person is flirting with you.
What you are going to want to do is ask a question, preferably one that will get a direct answer from this tour guide and settle your wondrous mind. We’ve put our best thinkers on the case and this is what we came up with; try this double-entendre on for size: “is this a wet campus?” If that one lands, you’re probably (maybe) in. If it doesn’t, it only confirms that no, your school tour guide is not flirting with you.
2. Teacher’s Assistance
As mentioned in the introduction, you might think your Teacher’s Assistant is flirting with you. This one can be tricky – TA’s are usually just upperclassmen or graduate students. They’re nearly your age! And, they are always trying to help you out by giving you positive reinforcement as your actual professor tries to ruin your GPA and perhaps your future. Unfortunately, that’s usually it.
But don’t give up hope. Ask to have a one on one meeting and bring a gift, say, an apple. Put on a collared shirt and ask for help on that 10th grade level math you can’t figure out. If you’re not completely inept then you’ll be able to tell if they’re flirting with you. But then again, you can’t do long division.
Let’s play it safe – they’re not flirting with you.
3. Lunch Lady
Your school dining hall lunch lady is probably someone that you see everyday. People say “love is patient” and if that’s true it must mean that someone you are in that close of proximity with is destined to be your future partner. But don’t get too carried away just yet. It’s important to play your cards just right.
The rewards of bedding your lunch lady are obviously exceptional–free tacos on taco tuesday, free late night pizza, free chicken tenders, the list goes on and on. But the risks of this transaction are just as plentiful. If you mess this one up, you will have to deal with the consequential fallout. Play this one simple: a quick wink on spaghetti night, blow a kiss for sloppy joe’s. If these are landing, make your move. But, then again, maybe back off. You don’t want to piss someone off that serves you food everyday.
Cut your losses and assume your lunch lady is not flirting with you.
Everyone knows that librarians are known for being academic minxes. The issue with getting to know the librarian is that you have to go to the library. But if you get a soft spot for a librarian, and trust me you will, here’s a few tips.
Ask them about the dewey decimal system. Nothing makes a librarian more eager to take their pants off than the dewey decimal system.
If that doesn’t work, ask about the “archives” or “special collections”. Most college libraries have them and you’ll need a librarian with you to get access. Now you’ve got all you need. You, the librarian, and a signed copy of 50 Shades of Gray. Be careful, though. As sexy a novel like 50 Shades of Gray is, your college library doesn’t have it in its special collection and you asking for it already raised every red flag.
5. Dean of Students
You’re in the middle of a disciplinary meeting with the dean of students for getting black out drunk, drawing dicks on every bulletin board in the library, then throwing up outside of your dorm. We’ve all been there. But this meeting is going surprisingly well. Given the circumstances, it shouldn’t. So the thought crosses your mind, “are they flirting with me?” There is no way that you should get away with such a heinous act as drawing phallic marks over the chess club’s promotional poster.
At this point, you’re in deep enough. Shooters shoot. RIP Kobe.