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Daft Punk is Out, Bobby Shmurda is In

*This post was written by Intern Sam (very different from Sam the Intern.) He’ll be dipping the pen once a week to keep you up to date on the important news stories of today*

After nearly 30 years together, the pop/punk/funk/techno hybrid duo Daft Punk is breaking up.

Honestly, I thought they had already retired. Their last album, Random Access Memories, came out in 2013. I wish I could do no work for eight years and then out of nowhere announce my retirement. This would be as if I announced publicly tomorrow that I’m breaking up with my middle school girlfriend (who definitely exists). No, I haven’t mentioned her or been seen with her in years, but now is when I’d like to announce our breakup.

As sad as it is to see the group who brought up classics like Lose Yourself to Dance and One More Time, the music industry was not completely filled with sorrow today. It was announced today that rapper Bobby Shmurda, who has been in prison since 2014, will be released within the week. His hit song, Hot *Word I can’t say* is still a huge hit at my racially homogenous college parties which really shows his artistic reach. Even spoiled white kids can enjoy yelling “if you ain’t a hoe, get up out my trap house”!

It’s an interesting trade, Daft Punk for Bobby, but I’m not opposed. As cool as those dudes with the weird helmets who wrote the TRON soundtrack are, I do miss the Shmoney dance and his Knicks flat hat. Wait, maybe this is why the Knicks are doing well this year. God/Darwin (we’re inclusive here) works in mysterious ways. 

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